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Challenging Domestic Abuse

Challenging Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse is rooted in wider gender inequality.

It’s not about anger or “crime of passion” — it’s about control and power.

You’re call to action ! Access the Challenging Domestic Abuse toolkit pdf – Be the change

Two ways to get started:

Challenging Victim-Blaming

What it is:
Victim-blaming happens when responsibility for abuse is placed on the survivor rather than the perpetrator (e.g., “Why doesn’t she just leave?” or “She provoked him”). It is a major barrier to survivors seeking help and a key way abusers maintain control.

Abuse is never the survivor’s fault. Responsibility always lies with the perpetrator.

How to challenge it constructively:

  • Reframe the question: Shift focus from the survivor to the abuser.
    • Instead of “Why doesn’t she leave?”, ask “Why does he feel entitled to abuse her?”
  • Encourage empathy: Acknowledge the survivor’s fear, isolation, or barriers to leaving (e.g. children, finances, love, threats).
  • Bring in the community: Emphasise shared responsibility — “What can we do to make it easier for survivors to access support?”
  • Challenge safely: Only intervene if you feel safe to do so.
  • Name victim-blaming when you hear it: Calmly explain why such comments are harmful and perpetuate myths.

Supporting someone who may be experiencing abuse


The goal is to create a safe, supportive environment where survivors feel believed, not judged, and empowered to make their own choices.

Helpful responses – “Listen, Believe, Signpost”:

  1. Listen:
    • Offer privacy and safety.
    • Be calm and fully present (watch your body language).
    • Avoid distractions and interruptions.
  2. Believe:
    • Validate their experience — “I’m sorry this is happening” / “You’re not to blame.”
    • Don’t ask “why” questions or press for details.
    • Avoid minimising or doubting what they share.
  3. Signpost:
    • Offer information
      • Women’s Aid Live Chat – chat.womensaid.org.uk
      • National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247 (24/7)
    • Let them decide if, when, and how to seek help.
    • Respect confidentiality unless there’s a safeguarding risk.

What not to do:

  • Don’t judge or blame (“Why don’t you leave?”).
  • Don’t tell them what to do.
  • Don’t confront the perpetrator or offer your home.
  • Don’t share their story without consent.

Boundaries & self-care:

  • Supporters must recognise their limits; they are not counsellors or rescuers.
  • Seek guidance if you’re unsure.
  • Look after your own wellbeing after listening to disclosures.
  • Abuse is about control, not loss of control.
  • Leaving is often the most dangerous time for a survivor.
  • Our role as allies is to challenge myths, avoid victim-blaming, and respond with compassion and belief.
  • Systemic change happens when communities take shared responsibility — in workplaces, schools, and local networks.

Additional Resources

  • CWJ – Briefing for Parliamentarians – Stop Criminalising Survivors

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